Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Ranger Russian Rifleman Grachev Is Filthy

The Mouth is feeling a little under whelmed by the Rangers Draft selections this past weekend and decides to turn his focus to an absolute gem of a pick the Blue Shirts made in last years 2008 entry draft by choosing Russian Rifleman Evgeny Grachev.

The Big man thinks his Rangers should be charged with highway robbery after stealing this 6’3 211 lb 18 year old stud from the Third Round of last year draft with the 75th pick overall.

Grachev is a pure speed demon who also has elite scoring and playmaking ability. A combination that should have even the most pessimistic Ranger fan anticipating his arrival to the big club.

Crisis Correction:
In The Vid The Mouth incorrectly stated that Grachev trailed Tavares in OHL scoring by Only 14 points rather than the actual 24 pts

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Crisis Crashes Islander Draft Party

The Mouth invaded the Islanders drafting party that was held on June 26th, 2009. The Big man decided to conduct a mock draft of his own by basically mocking the Islanders building, it’s fans and their ex players live and in person.

Now, you might say that is an awful lot of trouble to go to through just to bust the chops of the Islander collective. Actually for the Mouth it was no trouble at all.

His unique brand of Hockey humor is fueled by contempt for 95% of Islander fans, who for some reason need to focus on the Rangers shortcomings rather then concentrating on their own annual absurd NHL futility. Perhaps the Fish Stick fans should be spotlighting on setting the bar a whole lot higher for their own team.

The Mouth thought this the perfect opportunity to flip the tables and turn his full comedic attention to the tragic state of the Islanders and their fourth rate Organization, giving them a dose of their own medicine but a much more potent and higher quality comedic dose.

In some serious news a rumor started by an overweight Ranger fan circulated all night at the mausoleum that Islanders first pick overall John Tavares has bought a summer home in Kansas City.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Ranger Veterans Helped Get Fred Shero Fired

The Mouth Interviewed former Ranger and Ten year NHL veteran Chris Kotsopoulos about all things Hockey this past Tuesday on WUSB 90.1 FM's radio's "The Nick Show." The 50 minute interview included Chris's time as a Broadway Blue, his comical experiences as a Whaler and his time playing for Harold Ballard for his hometown Toronto Maple Leafs.

The Mouth along with Nick covered a myriad of interesting subjects with Chris, one of which was the all important current state of New York Ranger hockey. The full interview can be heard Friday. Here are some excerpts to hold ya over.

Fred Shero's firing was due to revolt by some Ranger Veteran Players

Kotsy clashed with Herb Brooks over being traded from Rangers

Kotsy lauds Leafs fans and Harold Ballard !

Kotsy makes a bold Statement about Colton Orr and his UFA status

Monday, June 22, 2009

Colton Orr makes Chop Meat of Eric Godard and his OWN hands GigantORR Episode 10

The Mouth once again presents his Ranger Crisis.com only feature GigantORR Episode #10. The feature continues in time line the pugilistic trials and tribulations of the Broadway Bruiser Colton Orr's fight card in the 2008-2009 season.

In this Episode, Orr throws down with Eric Godard for the second time in the 2008-2009 season on January 5th, 2009 at The Garden. GigantOrr threw a whopping Thirty-Three punches to Godard’s Fourteen jabs and The Sheriff definitely had the eye of the tiger in this bout as he was looking to pound the Pittsburgh enforcer deep into and under MSG’s ice.

Unfortunately for Colton the only thing he did do with propensity is pound his right hand into chop meat as most of his shots caught the helmet of Godard which protected him from the majority of Orr’s Force 10 blows. However, the punches that did find Godard’s mush were some big powerful looping bombs. Orr threw nothing but hay in this hook up.

The Mouth also gives his boisterous opinion of GigantORR’s tenuous future with the Rangers. At the time of this posts entry Colton is a UFA. The Big man announces that a non-signing of this valuable Rangers pugilistic policemen would be an utter disgrace by Ranger Mismanagement and also a very costly one at that, especially with so many throwers in the rough and tumble Atlantic Division.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Scott Ferrall's F-Bomb laden Penguin Stanley Cup Call NSFW

As you know here a the Crisis The Mouth likes to keep things pretty much PG-13 but away from the show the big man has a tremendous grasp of colorful language, especially during the throws of a heated Ranger game.

The Mouth implores any Ranger fans that may be offended or not mature enough to handle the F Bombs and other vulgar words Ferrall spews forth to simply skip this post in good faith.

The only reason Ranger Crisis is showing this is The Mouth thinks it’s absolutely over the top hysterical. The following clip also does not involve Ranger Hockey which is another departure.

Ranger Crisis ensures you this will be a rare instance we step away from Ranger hockey, we make this clip the exception, after all this was the Stanley Cup.

That’s why The Mouth thinks the following clip is tremendous fun, because it is exactly how he would react if the Rangers had defeated the Detroit Redwings in last weeks Stanley Cup rather than the Pittsburgh Penguins. In his stead for this vulgar frantic celebration call is sports commentator Scott Ferrall.

We join Ferrall as he counts down the last seconds of the Final Game 7 with the face off deep in the Penguins zone. His final countdown was recapped on the Howard Stern show.

The Mouth and Ex- Ranger Chris Kotsopoulos

Former Ranger Defenseman and current Ranger Blogger of "Kotsy's Korner" Chris Kotsopoulos will join The Mouth to talk Ranger Hockey on WUSB 90.1 FM Tuesday June 23rd between 9am and 11am on the WUSB's The Nick show.

If you are not near a radio or don’t live in the Long island area and want to listen you can tune in via live audio stream at http://wusb.fm

All you have to do is just click “Tune In” on the upper right hand corner of the page. The chat promises to be lively, no holds barred and definitely not vanilla.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Mark Messier's Ice Violence leads to absolute absurdity.

The Crisis time machine is once again cranked into high gear back to simpler times, when the Rangers dispatched opponents nightly, something similar to how the Mouth dispatches of Mallomars.

This is one of the big mans all time favorite clips, mainly because it contains in his biased opinion, legal Ranger instigated on ice violence as well as a surreal journey into Hockey absurdity. The two essential qualities that make up a classic clip in the The Mouths warped mind.

This “incident” took place on February 26t, 1994 when the Rangers took on the Dallas Stars at Reunion Arena. The first part of this classic clip deals with a violent yet legal shoulder check that Mark Messier unleashes on Stars captain Mike Modano. The impact of this shoulder check sent Modano flying and spinning onto the ice unconscious and into a temporary sleepy-bye state. We are treated to several different camera angles that put into question whether the Messier hit was dirty.

Things get a bit scary when the Reunion arena Paramedic staff is put into action and has to put Modano on a stretcher in order to get him of the ice. It is at the time the journey into the surreal occurs and the twisted mind of The Mouth can’t help but laugh each time he takes the trip, once again validating that the big man is a very disturbed Ranger fan.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Colton Orr makes Mitch Fritz's peeper gush Hemoglobin GigantORR Episode 9

The Mouth once again presents his Ranger Crisis.com only feature GigantORR Episode #9. The feature continues in time line the pugilistic trials and tribulations of the Broadway Bruiser Colton Orr's fight card in the 2008-2009 season.

In this Episode, Colton Orr takes on the fish stick colossus they call Mitch Fritz. Fritz is an unworldly 6’8 258 towering over NYR's GigantORR who is 6’3 222. This makes Colton seems like Atom AntORR in comparison. The tussle between these two combatants took place on December 29th 2008 at MSG.

The fight itself is relatively short, as both Orr and Fritz lock horns and totally forget about defense and trade bombs. It is a perfect example of what The Mouth likes to call “eat then throw” a scrap tactic which was much more prevalent in the 1970’s and 1980’s before everyone did the “spin and throw“. Because of the sub-par bass fishing camera work by the Versus TV crew we don’t get to see most of the final punches thrown in the contest.

However, when the camera finally zooms in on the two, low and behold Icelander Mitch Fritz is gushing hemoglobin like a stuck pig out of his right eye. It is only after the crack video staff at Ranger Crisis.com with it’s two dollar budget actually shows the entire fight in slow motion, do we see the punch by punch trade off that these two adversary’s unloaded on each other.

A very impressive win for Sheriff Colton especially against this mountain of a man playing for a mouse of team that sadly was once was a bitter rival.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Sean Avery On Jimmy Fallon

The Broadway Bad Boy Sean Avery makes an appearance on The Jimmy Fallon show and does not disappoint. He does so by taking a verbal jab at Flyer Scott Hartnell by calling him "a bit of a clown"

Sean also talks about his charity work and his stint last summer working for Vogue magazine. Towards the end of the segment Sean participates in a predictable yet kitchy shooting contest with Fallon.

The crux of the bit is that if Sean loses the shooting contest to Fallon, Avery must wear a Philadelphia Flyers jersey. A sight which The Mouth thinks would make fans of both teams feel nauseated.

Sports Videos, News, Blogs

Monday, June 15, 2009

Colton Orr vs. Mike Rupp Payback is a Punch in the Face GigantORR Episode 8

The Mouth once again presents his Ranger Crisis.com only feature GigantORR Episode #8. The feature continues in time line the pugilistic trials and tribulations of the Broadway Bruiser Colton Orrs fight card in the 2008-2009 season.

This Episode of GigantORR deals with two fights Colton Orr had with Mike Rupp of the Devils. The first one took place on December 12th, 2008 in Newark as these two tussled and Orr found himself at the receiving end of some bombs thrown by Rupp. But with a chin probably made of steel or perhaps even some titanium alloy, Sheriff Colton Orr does not go down. But however credit must be given where credit is due and Mike Rupp got the best of Orr that night in Jersey.

The Mouth critiques that the few times Colton has lost a battle is when he tries to be too tricky by switching from righty to lefty during a scrap, The Big man also suggests that when you have a jack hammer of a right like Colton does it should be bombs away from begging to end until the other guy is seeing the bright white light.

The next time these two behemoths locked up it was once again at the Rock on February 9th, 2009. The outcome would be much different this time as Orr bested Rupp via a right hand that forced the Devil tough guy to take a knee and ask the officials what planet he was on.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

John Davidson's Worst Moments

The Mouth shows us some very rare regular season footage of John Davidson between the pipes for the New York Rangers. The footage is rare for two reasons, one being that video from that era is rare just by itself and the second reason being, because of Davidson’s injuries after the 1978-1979 season J.D. simply didn’t play much.

It was at this time some old skool Ranger fans may remember that J.D switched masks from his most recognizable tri-colored striped mask to his “Lone Ranger” mask. The Lone Ranger mask was only worn by J.D in TEN National Hockey League games. This making the video shown here at Ranger Crisis even rarer.

The Big man as any Ranger fan worth his medal, considers J.D a Ranger legend. However, some of his performances on the ice were comically horrible. Examples of this are shown in two games from this Treasure Trove archive. The first game shown took place on March 30th 1980 against the Red Wings and the second game is an October 9th 1980 opening night debacle against the Bruins at Boston Garden.

Be warned most of these goals that J.D. gives up are absolutely brutal.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

New NHL Rule Modifications and New Ranger Crisis Sponsor

The Mouth embracing the newness of two consecutive days of actual sunshine treats us to TWO separate videos both involving new beginnings. The Big man first introduces us to a new sponsor for his Ranger Crisis program, which bizarrely is located in Washington D.C and not in New York. He also states that he has begun a search for Washington Capitals forward Alex Ovechkin during the spot.

The Mouth also uncovers some very interesting New Rule changes that are coming to the NHL for the 2009-2010 season. This comes directly from the Steamroom at Onion Sports. The new rules are said to include and enhance the games scoring as well as help elevate NHL hockey to mass appeal for people who have not yet endeared themselves the sport of Hockey.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Four Wars 150 Punches Ago.. Orr vs. Godard GigantORR Episode 7

The Mouth once again presents his Ranger Crisis.com only feature GigantORR Episode #7. The feature continues in timeline the pugilistic trials and tribulations of the Broadway Bruiser Colton Orr’s fight card in the 2008-2009 season.

A battle of the heavyweights takes place as Colton Orr faces Penguin enforcer Eric Godard at the Garden on December 3rd 2008. These two are no strangers to each other and as a matter of fact this fight was the first of FOUR wars that they would engage in during the 2008-2009 season.

The fight is a direct result of a love tap that Colton gives Sidney Crosby after a whistle. Godard like all good team Policeman should do responds appropriately and instigates the rough stuff with Orr. What ensues once they finally pop the ejectors on their gloves is a full out blitzkrieg of Bombs by both combatants .

The amazing thing is that none of them staggered at all as they both traded dukes in this 40 punch battle. The Mouth of course amped up on Hagen Daz and Red Bull as always gives us the blow by blow fight call.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Koci Breaks hand on Orr's Face/ Orr Slugs Jarkko Ruutu/ GigantORR Episode 6

The Mouth once again presents his Ranger Crisis.com only feature GigantORR Episode #6. The feature continues in time line the pugilistic trials and tribulations of the Broadway Bruiser Colton Orr’s fight card in the 2008-2009 season.

It all starts off with a clip from a Ranger/Ottawa game on November 22nd 2008 where the Blue Shirts trailed badly late in the Third Period and Colton Orr took exception to a check that NHL weasel extraordinaire Jarkko Ruutu put on teammate Freddy Sjostrom. It was at that point, Orr decided to try and rearrange Ruutu’s proboscis.

Following the Ruutu clip, next shown is Colton Orr’s SIXTH fight of the season on November 26th 2008. A ROUND TWO battle against Tampa’s David Koci. The Mouth finds himself eating some rare crow as the “Czechoslovakian Tomato Can” Koci scores a surprising win against Colton this time around. However, as we know GigantORR’s chin is made of steel and Koci wound up paying the price for his rare win by breaking his hand in the tussle and missing a month of playing time.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Walt Poddubny R.I.P./Sandstrom Hat Trick Kills Isles in OT 1/31/86

This episode of Ranger Crisis starts off with a somber tone as The Mouth pays tribute a beloved New York Ranger Walt Poddubny. Walt died of a heart attack back on March 22, 2009. Poddubny was only 49 at the time of his passing.

Although he spent only Two years in the Big Apple his one ice persona was one of hustle and exuberance. A skilled play maker and goal scorer for the Blue Shirts, Walt immediately became a favorite of the Garden faithful. He banged home 40 goals in his first season and 38 in his second and final with the Broadway Blues.

The Mouth searched his archives to find some Poddubny footage and came up with a gem from New Years Eve 1986. Walter was instrumental in leading the Rangers to an Overtime victory against the rival Islanders that night by assisting on two of the three goals that line mate Thomas Sandstrom scored on, including the crucial overtime winner.

The Mouth recalls from his memory banks that Walt Poddubny was a big fan of the Three Stooges. In tribute the always demented Mouth treats us to one of the most violent scenes in Stooges History in honor of Walt’s fun loving spirit.